A year with Cerrie

Out of body...that is how it felt. I held Cerrie in my arms, but somehow I was floating above watching everything. Maybe it was the drugs (oh thank god for them) or the stress of childbirth, or maybe it was just me. Holding Cerrie for the first time didn't feel real. Holding Cerrie felt like I was playing house. She didn't seem real.

I was transferred to the maternity ward, Cerrie came along....surprising right?? Why the nurses thought my baby should come with me, I can't imagine? Somehow I still didn't understand that she was mine. I knew, but I didn't get it. The next few days passed, the nurses tried to help be breast feed, my husband tried to help me bathe Cerrie, he shopped for preemie clothes, I changed her diapers, this was life as we were to know it, but it still didn't feel real. I went through the paces and the paces led us home. I sat beside her on the way home, we brought her in her infant seat into the house and introduced her to her siblings (two very confused and jealous Cocker Spaniels). We sat on our couch and held her. We watched her, we jumped every time she made a peep. We spent a sleepless night trying to acclimate Cerrie to her new surroundings.

The next morning Chris (my hubby) went back to work and I headed to the grocery store. Life was back to normal.....except nothing would ever be "normal" again. I walked down the isles of the grocery store sobbing my eyes out as people tried not to stare or get to close, I realized I loved this baby, this weird little creature, my baby, my Cerrie, so much just the quick trip to the grocery store, just the few minutes we were apart was too much. I went home, held my baby girl and for the first time, maybe ever, cried tears of joy and love.

The next 365 days changed me more than I ever thought possible....but that is for another day. This was just the start of my love story.....my Life with Cerrie.